


Im not Greedy... I just want my body back!

by Elizandre



Series: Tropevember! [25]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: 30 Days of Writing, Alive Greed (Fullmetal Alchemist), BAMF Riza Hawkeye, Bodyswap, Crack, Ed and Greed have some catching up to do, Ed and Ling swap bodies, Everybody Lives, Fuhrer Roy Mustang, M/M, Mustang and the Mustang Gang, Rare Pairings, Roy Mustang is so done with everyones shit, So now Ed can hear Greed, Tropes, Tropevember, because I want to write Maes, tropevember challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elizandre/pseuds/Elizandre
Summary: Stumbling into a research array gone wrong, Ed finds himself swapping bodies with one obnoxious Emperor of Xing...It’s fine, he tells himself. What could possibly go wrong in the time it will take to put their bodies right again?He didn’t account for the fact that he now has to share a body with a homunculus... for fucks sake.(Written for Tropevember 2020, Day 25: Bodyswap)
Relationships: Edward Elric/Greed, Minor Ling/Alphonse
Series: Tropevember! [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995202
Kudos: 23





	Im not Greedy... I just want my body back!

**Author's Note:**

> If this goes well, I may end up writing a follow-up fic that is longer and centered around ed/greed! Who knows 🤷🏼♀️ Xoxo

Ed comes to with his head pounding and his vision swimming. He can feel someone helping him stand up - he thinks it sounds like Lan Fan?

Fucking alchemy.

Sure - he gets it! He’s a practitioner of it himself! But that doesn’t mean it’s not absolute hell to deal with sometimes.

Grumbling to himself about shitty alchemists and their even shittier assassination attempts, he scrubs at his eyes, before blinking fiercely to chase away the black dots floating in his periphery, finally seeing the research lab in central.

Right. He remembers now.

The Xingese Emperor and his delegates were here to amend the peace treaty between Amestris and Xing. They’d all been in Hawkeye’s office when they were called down to research for something... important? And ended up stepping onto a random fucking alchemy circle as they entered!

He can only assume it wasn’t a purposeful attack against the Emperor of Xing by their research team... damn! Why did he have to step into the room first? He hopes the damn Xing bastard got caught in the crossfire - the royal brat deserves it - he’s a pain in Ed’s ass. 

Squaring his shoulders, he brushes off Lan Fan’s concern, only to pause—

Something’s not right.

The room... why does it look so weird?

‘ _Cause you’re about half a foot taller now, short-arse._ ’ He hears the disembodied voice of Greed chuckle.

WAIT— GREED?!

“What the fu—” Ed goes to say, only to cut himself off when the voice that comes out of his mouth isn’t his own. 

What is this?! He thinks, looking about wildly, before freezing in place.

Well, buckle your seatbelts, because things are about to get a whole lot weirder because... isn’t that MY BODY?!

Staring across the room, he watches in morbid fascination as his brother and Roy help his other self to stand up. Alphonse doting on him worriedly, the other Ed soaking it up.

Am I dead? Is that why I’m suddenly hearing Greed’s voice and everything looks weird? AM I FLOATING?! He panics, turning to look at himself, only to freak out more when he sees he still has a corporeal body... one that is dressed in the fine, yellow silks of Xingese royalty that Ling had brazenly waltzed into Central wearing this morning.

Oh Gates! I’ve swapped bodies with the biggest idiot in Xing!

‘ _Well done, little runt._ ’ Greed’s voice comes again, making him jump in surprise, the homunculus letting out a chuckle. ‘ _You seem to have figured it out much quicker than the Princeling. Look at him,_ ’ he snorts.

And so Ed does, eyes widening as he takes in the blush across his cheeks - LING’S CHEEKS - at receiving Alphonse’s attention...

Hang on...

‘ _It would seem he’s much less capable of hiding his affections in your body,_ ’ Greed laughs once more - which Ed will come to later, but right now he has bigger problems to deal with; namely, getting that lecherous pig away from his baby brother.

The normal silence of his mind is now filled with the snorts and laughter of Greed as he rips himself from Lan Fan’s grip and storms across the room towards the idiot currently wearing his body.

“Oi! Emperor idiot! Get the fuck away from my little brother!” He shouts, quickly travelling the room in the ensuing silence to grab his brother by the arm and physically haul him away.

“B-Brother?” Alphonse stutters, looking between the two of them in confusion.

Apparently Ling’s brain finally catches up as he too begins to shout, “who are you?! Lan Fan! We have an intruder! And he’s wearing my beautiful body!”

“Oh pipe down, squinty eyes! In case you hadn’t noticed, you’re not exactly looking like yourself right now, either!”

“Wha..? WHAT?! W-What is this? Who am I? Why am I so close to the ground—”

“HEY! I’m not that damn short, you freaky, Xingese giant!” Ed hollers, trying desperately to ignore that he’s currently in said freaky, giant body. 

“... WHAAAA?! ED?! Why are you in my body?!”

“Why am I— ugh! Why are you so dumb?” Ed groans.

‘ _I ask myself that everyday_ ,’ Greed pipes up, making Ed snigger, a warm feeling suddenly pulsing through him. 

“It’s obviously because of that damned array we stepped on!” Ed continues. “What the hell are your research team DOING, Mustang?!”

“... I can’t say I’m fully aware, Fullmetal,” Mustang says after a pause, “but I intend to find out.” He says with a sharp edge to his voice that would make a lesser man cower. As it stands, Ed can see three different employees edging away from the Fuhrer at the declaration. “At any rate, I’d say the best thin to do would be continue as normal. We’ll explain what happened to the higher ups and Emperor Ling can attend meetings in Fullmetal’s body until we can figure out a way to switch them back. Fullmetal!” He snaps.

“Yeah, Fuhrer bastard?” He quips back.

“I don’t trust you not to cause trouble in your new body. Until further notice, you’re on desk duty.”

“WHAT?! You’ve got to be kidding me! How come he gets to swan about in official meetings wearing my body, but I’ve got to sit at a desk all week?!”

“Because he’s the Emperor of a foreign country and despite how much I’d rather keep him away from it all where he can’t cause any trouble—”

“Hey!”

“— He’s only here for 10 days and we have a treaty to re-evaluate. I know you don’t want to Fullmetal, but we have to keep the Emperor’s body safe while it’s not in his possession... so, that’s desk duty ONLY. Are we clear, Ed?”

The use of his actual name, rather than his title, throws him. 

Shit. Fuhrer bastard is right. If he goes out fighting crime in Ling’s body, the people will have a field day - might even claim that Xing is attacking Amestris or some dumb shit... UGH! What a pain.

“Fine! You win! I’ll keep the dumb Princeling’s body safe—”

“I’m an Emperor now, Ed!” He whines - and damn! Is his voice really that high-pitched?

“I called you Princeling before, and I’ll call you Princeling now.” He says petulantly. “I knew you before you were the almighty Emperor of Xing and I’ll be damned if I change the way I treat you now, idiot!”

As he says that, the same, warm, rushing feeling he felt before floods over him again. What the fuck is that...

“... Oh. Awww, you really DO like me, don’t you, short stuff?!” Ling coos and THAT IS IT.

“Oh, fuck off!” He snarls, marching towards the door. “See if I try to find a solution to this mess! I mean, who knows? Maybe there’s no cure... and I’ll have to go back to Xing in your place,” he hums, rubbing his thumb against his chin thoughtfully in the doorway, smirking when he sees the horror on Ling’s - his own - face. “Emperor Edward of Xing does have a pretty nice ring to it,” he jokes, fleeing from the room as Ling splutters.

Phantom chuckles follow him as he saunters away, back towards his team’s office with a smile.

Maybe this won’t be as terrible as he initially thought...


End file.
